Eating Cake Alone

Life: I can have it all. But it will probably kill me.

These women need to be stopped. You know which ones I am talking about- Those mothers that are always on time for everything. They have the correct equipment for whatever PRECIOUS activity they are taking PRECIOUS photos of. They know when their next dentist appointment is. Or where they live. Or if they are wearing pants or not.  I hate you. I’ve decided that you’ve been put on this planet to make me feel bad about myself and it’s working. Every time you reach into your perfectly compartmentalized purse and pull out an organic, dye-free fruit snack, my soul dies a little. I’m the one dramatically stirring around receipts and cheerios at the bottom of my bag, like some sort of purse witch with a cauldron of mistakes. I consider it a victory when I finally find a fuzzy, discolored mint to feed them. I know I’m having a good day if I can stop and look around and say- wait, no one is screaming. Happy Monday everyone! **Author notes it’s Tuesday upon editing. Screw you for knowing what day of the week it is.

One thought on “If your socks match, we can’t be friends

  1. Amy says:

    What if I don’t wear socks generally?

    Like

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Eating Cake Alone

Life: I can have it all. But it will probably kill me.

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